Some truths...

Hello everyone.

I have no doubt that anyone who reads this blog noticed the lack of posts last week. Honestly, it wasn't on purpose, I just didn't have the right mindset to write- particularly not the happy topics that I had planned.

I know I've said it, but I think a little more explanation is in order. I'm depressed: I was diagnosed at the young age of thirteen. However, I think it's much worse now than it was then, and I haven't been to a therapist since then. I'm working on finding a therapist, well, I'm working on swallowing my pride. It's not that I think going to a therapist is wrong or somehow shameful- I encourage friends and family to go when they confess that they're planning on going.

I just find myself feeling, guilty I guess, because I look at my life and wonder what exactly it is that could cause such a deep depressive state that I go into. Sure, my job isn't my favorite thing and I've got some money problems that can be stressful. But neither of those things are so severe that I would get this mindset of not wanting to wake up in the morning.

I'm alive, I have a house and food; I'm surrounded by love from family and friends. I have a plan for my future, and I'm fighting to make it happen. Well, I'm fighting most days. Other days I decide it's my fate to end up forever mooching off of someone- or because that makes me feel guilty, that it's my fate to end up on the streets?

Some days I want to pack up a few posessions and hitchhike to... Anywhere, some small dusty old town and give myself a new name with a different back story. I'd be less of a pest to my family right?

I know that's not how it works.. I know that would hurt them more than anything, so I wont do that to them. I wouldn't do that to the people I love.

Well, now that I've admitted one of my biggest weaknesses (and probably made most of you sad) I'm going to leave off that I'm better this week. I have a project I want to show you guys (Thursday) and I'm going to get back on track by doing two posts each day for Thursday and next Tuesday, so be on the lookout for those!

Also, It helps that I have a little fur ball puppy that just brings so much light into my life. I forgot what it was like to have a young dog in my life, how playful and energetic she is. It's fantastic. Although, we do have to work on the finger biting when she's excited or wants to play. She was a stray for the first two years of her life (as far as we know) and doesn't know how to play with toys just yet. She's at least already house broken! First day we brought her home she used the pee pad that we have for the cat (He's diabetic and doesn't always make it to the box) but after that, boom she's already learned how to tell us she needs to go outside. For such a small dog she's not yappy, which makes me and my ears happy.  She also doesn't chase the cat- probably because he's bigger and has already made it clear that he is the boss, but the only swipe she's received was a couple pats at her face with no claws- she got too hyper for him and was running around.

Here's a picture for you guys, the first day we had her, but I'll get some other pictures for a later post!

Miss Penelope

Time to Decorate?!

It's October 1st! For those who know me well, you know that Halloween is honestly my favorite holiday that has very little to do with family (Love you guys!). If we count family, then obviously my favorites are Thanksgiving and Christmas. I usually spend Thanksgiving with one side of the family and Christmas with the other. However, Halloween is all mine! The spooky decorations, costumes, and me being brave enough to dare watch a horror film and/or go to a haunted house. It all just makes me so happy!

Since finding things that give me joy is now something I'm trying to focus on; I've decided that this year I just have to decorate. We live in a third floor apartment, which means very little risk of decorations being stolen from my porch this year- and we have a bunch of neighbor's porches facing ours, we might as well give them something to look at while they suck on their cancer sticks, right? I was going to drag out the decorations we had and get them all set up for this post, but guys, I haven't found any of it! Well, that's not entirely true, I did find a strand of purple lights. We also have gargoyles and dragons around out house, however they are not decoration, they're guardians. So what's a girl to do when she wants to decorate, but doesn't have anything?

Well duh, she DIY's it! Or, I will be. I already have a couple crafts I'm planning on, but I have to get the supplies for such things. And I'm hoping to find our decorations, but I'll have to see if mom knows where they are (we might have gotten rid of them when we were moving from a two bedroom apartment to a one).

So, my plans for this post got bumped down to next Tuesday (I'm alright with that, it just means I have more posts planned and I'm more likely to keep going on this adventure. Also, if you guys have any ideas on what you'd like to see, please let me know!). It did leave me wondering what I was going to talk about though, but since I sat down and started typing, I think I've done alright!

I would like to say that this is an important time of year for me spiritually as well. As some folks know, Halloween has some deep Pagan roots that you can still see today. It was the end of summer- officially- and the third and last harvest was brought in around this time. The veil between the worlds of the living and dead were thin at this time. People would dress as ghosts, with straw or even as the opposite gender in order to confuse the Nature spirits that would otherwise play pranks on them! There were traditions of leaving offerings of food for your ancestors outside your door, or setting an extra place for them at the table, and people even buried apples and such for ghosts who didn't have descendants to care for them. Candles were lit to guide the dead home to their families. This time of year celebration was(is) called Samhain (sow-en). There are several traditions and rituals involved with this celebration, but I wont go into any more detail. (If you'd like to read more, please visit this site, or do a quick Google search!)Personally I'm just getting back into studying/practicing these kinds of rituals, so I'm not sure what I'll be participating in this year; most likely just study.

I think that's pretty good for today. I don't have any plans on a costume, or even what all I'm going to do other than decorate a bit. Maybe I'll visit a pumpkin patch with my baby sister? She's old enough that I think she'd enjoy it.

Anyway! Have a great rest of your week! Pumpkin flavored things are everywhere, so go get at least one thing! I'll see you guys on Tuesday with my decorations!

Getting Healthy

Happy International Coffee Day!! Personally, I'm not a big coffee drinker so I didn't enjoy any brew today. That's alright though, the kind of coffee I do enjoy has way too much sugar and milk to be healthy. Which is what I'm working towards.

So what is healthy to me? Simply put it's a balance between physical, mental and emotional health. I'm finally taking the steps I should've a long time ago. These steps include eating better (no more crash diets), exercising more, getting more sleep, working with my depression, and finding things that make me happy. Oh, also drinking more water- I'm truly terrible at that.

Here are some goals I have (with their timelines) for my physical health.


Within the week:

•  Drink a gallon of water a day.
• Go for a walk at least one hour a day
• Do an exercise routine 3 times a week (Still working on what I can do in an apartment without annoying my neighbors)

By the end of October:

• Lose at least ten pounds (hoping for more, but you know)
• Walk for two hours a day.
• Have a few different exercise routines that I can easily do at home (and a schedule of when I do them)
• Be making more healthy food choices (and sharing my recipes the whole time)

In six months:

• If I go by losing at least ten pounds a month, then I should have lost at least sixty, so that's my goal.
• Increase my exercise time: More strength and flexibility training.
• Maybe walk/run a 5k (although I'm not sure what will be going on around this time and what options there all.. I'll keep you guys updated!)

In a year:

• If I can keep the ten pounds a month going then I'll have lost around one hundred and twenty pounds!!! That would be amazing!
• KEEP GOING!! Basically it'll be the same plan that keeps me going.

For my mental and emotional health (which are tied together) the plan is to work with a therapist at least once a month (once I find one I like. I'm pretty particular). I'll take drugs if that's what we agree is best, which it may be given my anxiety and deep depression. It can become crippling some days. Like lately I've been feeling completely emotionally... Dry. There isn't a lot of emotional support I have left to give, but I'm giving it to those around me who need it because they've been there for me. (I'm also an introvert. I recharge my own energy without input from others, usually). I want to find things that make me happy. 

Writing is one of those things. I'm also going back to studying/practicing Wiccan practices and rituals. I was always happier having multiple Gods and connecting to the earth, but I gave it up because I wanted to connect with people who believed solely in God. It's not that I don't believe in God, it's that I don't think he's it. Look at nature! Most of nature (including humans) can only create new life by a male and female coming together. ((Side note: Please understand that I do not use this to say that gay and lesbian couples shouldn't be parents. I absolutely believe they should be. With so many children that need loving homes, I don't believe gender and sexual orientation should be considered.)) To me there is a God and Goddess, at minimum those two.. Or maybe they're one entity that is neither male or female. I don't know, but it's all fascinating to me!

And on a lighter note, I'm going to end this with one thing I'm planning on starting as soon as I can: coloring. You've seen, or heard about those coloring books for adults, I want one! The designs are so amazing! I can paint, but I can't really draw all that well. I do love to color though!

Well that's all right now! Have a great day all! 

Delicious Crock Pot Chicken Chili

Yesterday was the first day of fall ya'll!! What's a better way to kick off the start of the new season than to have some chili? This recipe is one I've been using for a couple years. I created it because my mom loves chili and I needed a cheap way to get us a home cooked meal that lasts a couple days. (Or so we could freeze leftovers and have it later). There were a couple recipes that inspired me, but I really don't even know what they were- I think the most I did was look at pictures on Pinterest.

Below is the recipe and some pictures!


Chicken Chili

3 boneless, skinless chicken breast, cubed
2 15.5 oz cans of dark red kidney beans
2 15.5 oz cans of light red kidney beans
2 14.5 oz cans of chili ready tomatoes (if you can't find these, plain canned diced tomatoes is fine)
1 6 oz can of tomato paste
1 12 oz bag of frozen corn
1 medium yellow onion diced (use half if you're not a fan of onion)
1 clove of garlic diced (optional)
Salt, pepper, chili powder, Chipotle chili powder (found at health food grocery stores), crushed red pepper flakes ~~Please note that all of these spices are optional. Use what you like~~ Usually I use whatever is in the cabinets at the time.

Okay, fist thing I do is cube the chicken and dice the onion and garlic. I cube the chicken into smaller bites, just so I can make a little go a long way. I put this stuff in the crock pot and season everything well.

Now, just open and pour in the contents of the cans. There's an oil on the beans, you can rinse this off or keep it on. I use it without rinsing. Add your corn; I use all of it and keep it frozen.

One more round of seasoning, usually a little less than I did the first time. Turn it on low for 6-8 hours, high 3-4 hours. And viola! All done. Dinner is ready! Pair it with whatever toppings you like, personally I just eat it as it, no toppings!

Let me know if you liked it! Happy Autumn everyone!

Hello and Good Morning!

Welcome to Laugh Cry Eat Grow, I'm Hannah and this is my attempt at blogging. My third attempt I think. I've lost count. I first tried in 2010 and then again in 2012 and now here I am. Third time's a charm, right? I actually have a plan and at least until mid November planned out (go me!). Speaking of that plan, here's part of it. I'll be making posts twice weekly on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Today excluded of course. (So stop by tomorrow, I'll be starting with my favorite thing: Food!!)

So, what is this blog going to be about? Well, my hope is to tell folks a bit about my journey in life: Things that make me laugh, few things that make me cry, favorite foods, and my personal journey of growth. I'm trying to get physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. My hope is that by sharing my own journey I can inspire others to start or continue to grow and become healthy! And hey, I imagine I'll be inspired by all of you as well.

Part of my journey is figuring out exactly what I'm going to do with my life! It took me a while and a lot of wrestling with self-doubt, but I finally have an answer for when someone asks "What do you want to be when you grow up?". My answer? I want to be a teacher! I've wanted to be a teacher for a few years, but that self-doubt I mentioned earlier was constantly saying I couldn't. That I wasn't nearly smart enough to put the minds of young people in my hands. Finally, after years of not finding anything else that appealed to me (as a main career) and working at a kid's play place, I told my mom. Her response was amazing! But then she's always been a great supporter of me and the things I want to do (thanks Mom!). That gave me the confidence to tell other family members and then friends. It became set in my mind: I was going to become an educator- despite the bad politics that affect teacher's abilities to teach which affects the students, but I digress. I'll be going back to school; either in January or in August. My limiting factor is the fact that I failed out of college a couple years ago and I now have student loans. I'm working on paying them off (hopefully completely, but at least half way) so I can go back to school. I have the school picked out, it's a fantastic school with a small student to teacher ratio in a small town where I can't get into any trouble (hopefully lol). ~~ I know we just met, but if you'd like to help out, I have a GoFundMe ~~

The realization that I wanted to be a teacher almost seemed the end of a different dream; owning a hobby farm and/or CSA (community supported agriculture). I couldn't afford land on a teacher's salary! The only other option seemed to be to find a rich husband! lol However I don't want money to be a deciding factor in any relationship I enter; I always want love to be the main element with honesty, trust, and other 'mushy' stuff to be the focus of my marriage. So, I began to let go of a dream I've had (albeit quietly) for as many years as I've wanted to be a teacher. Again, cue Mom to the rescue! But that's a post for a different day!

Okay, I know this is getting long, so I want to wrap up here. There are a lot of things this blog will be, but there are a couple things it wont. Such as a political platform. I don't share my political views that often, and with the exception of disliking how education works in the US, you wont hear them (read them?) here. It also wont be very religious. I know and respect that religion is a huge part of people's lives; it's a big part of mine as well as I grow mentally and emotionally, but a good part of it will be a more private journey. (If you're curious, I'm going back to Paganism, with an emphasis on studying Wicca.)

Well, that's all for today! Tomorrow will be a recipe that quickly became a favorite in my house, and a favorite to those I've shared it with (and it's very affordable!).

See ya later!